


Dream Walker

by monasjb



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: @ minhuyk im sorry for doing this to u ily, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Drama and sadness, Dream walker, Emoboy!Changkyun, Idk how people who went through this act so I'm sorry if I did it wrong I tried my best :(, It can be gay, Jobless!Minhyuk, M/M, Mentioned Kidnapping, Mentioned Lee Jooheon, Mentioned Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Preschool teacher!Wonho, dream - Freeform, kihyun seems so rude during the sec half im sorry about that I lov him really, monsta x - Freeform, no happy ending, photographer!Kihyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 22:43:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20317234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monasjb/pseuds/monasjb
Summary: Dream Walker: "Person who appears frequently in or who vividly haunts your dreams, usually in a positive way."Usually.Hoseok is trying to deal with his terrible nightmares, not knowing what kind of tragedy it will bring him in the future.





	Dream Walker

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank u for choosing my fic! Before u read pls be aware:  
I'm not that good in that I'm doing  
Typos might be in there, just like general mistakes  
The ending is rushed bc I wanted to finish it  
TW// kidnapping and dealing with this afterwards(sorry if I didn't write it correctly) 
> 
> Nonetheless!! Pls enjoy it!

Since weeks Hoseok has been struggling with terrible nightmares. Some are bearable, some keep him awake for days. He himself can't explain why he has those dreams or what the meaning of them could be. He tried to deal with them, do every kind of ritual he could find on the internet before he went to sleep, writing his dreams down, taking sleeping pills. Nothing helped. The lack of sleep effected his work as a preschool teacher to a point where he's at risk to lose his job.  
The only one who believed him was his best friend Kihyun, he knew about the nightmares and didn't label it as "nothing serious", like Hoseoks other friends did. However, he also didn't know how to help his friend, he suggested a professional dream reader, but Hoseok couldn't afford it.

He felt hopeless, trapped in those nightmares, forever.  
\--  
Hoseok was at Kihyuns home, waiting for his ramen. His eyes were burning red, his breath vapid, even as Kihyun put self cooked ramen in front of him, he didn't react. He was in dire need of sleep, but he was too scared to close his eyes for a second. 

"Hoseokie.. Please eat."

Kihyun looked worried at Hoseok who just stared at the TV, not moving a muscle.

"I can't.. I'm too tired Ki I just.." 

Kihyun couldn't endure seeing his friend like this. He got an idea and threw him onto the couch right behind them, which wasn't so hard since he's too tired to defend himself, got a pink fluffy blanket from his bedroom and wrapped Hoseok into it. 

"Ki... It won't work please."

"It will bc I will therapy you now."

"I wanna eat sudde-"

"I take the ramen to the kitchen, don't worry."

Hoseok was trapped in his blanket, Kihyun wrapped him with it completely, too tired to move and free himself from his plan.  
As Kihyun came back with a chair, a pen and a notebook, Hoseok just wanted to sigh out loud. He couldn't afford professional help, so Kihyun will be one now, he guessed.

Before he could make any excuses, Kihyun started to ask him countless questions about his life, where he lives, what he works as, what he eats and other thighs he already knows about. After Hoseok answered them, he got the worst question of them all.  
He was sick of answering this.

"Now tell me, what do you see in your dreams?"

"Kihyun, I beg you."

"Say it."

Awkward silence.

Remembering the dreams was more terrifying for Hoseok than actually dreaming them, he has to recapitalize every detail which keeps him awake at night, he simply hated it.  
He breathed in, closed his eyes and explained his dream, as good as he could. 

"It's dark. I can't see anything but a candle on the floor. I hear water, it drops on the floor. I can't see anything, I don't know where I am, if it's a room, a tunnel, outside inside I don't know I'm so scared fuck-"

"I'm here Hoseok. Continue...."

"There's someone... He, he screams, he screams at me, so loud he-"

"What does he say?"

"I can't hear it he just screams no nO NOO!"

"Hose-"

"Please stop stop this!!"

Again, he cried.

Kihyun threw his notebook to the ground and tried to calm Hoseok down, as this wouldn't work he freed him from the blanket and shaked his shoulders. Hoseok opened his teary eyes and saw Kihyun, he just busted into tears and hid his face in his neck. He couldn't live like this anymore, the darkness, the screams, the feeling that someone is chasing him in his dreams. He had reached the limit.  
Kihyun could only try to calm him down with his soft voice while humming a melody in his ear. He also couldn't endure it anymore, but also had no idea what to do.  
Just like many countless nights, they both were together in the dark, hugging each other and trying to calm down. A night without sleep.  
\--  
Hours later, Hoseok was watching some weird cartoon and ate his 5th plate of ramen, his love for ramen was stronger than his tiredness at the end. It was 2am now and thinking about sleep was the last thing he would do now. He looked at his phone to check if he had any notifications, and indeed he got a message from Kihyun. He already went to bed because he has to work tomorrow, nonetheless he sended his friend a message. Saying "This could be the answer maybe", he sended a link to an article, which deals with so called 'dream walkers'.

Hoseok never heard about those, he also never thought about searching something like this since he didn't believe in any spiritual things. However, he opened the link and tried to read the long article with his sleepy eyes.  
He had to reread it again and again until he finally understood what dream walkers are.

'A person who appears frequently in or who vividly haunts your dreams, usually in a positive way.' 

"A person, who..... who can appear in others dreams? Like in Spongebob once? That's not possible no.. haha..."

Of course, he didn't believe that, dreams are made in your own brain, how could someone get into them? And even if it's true, why should anyone get into his brain to threatening him like this?  
Maybe it's the hopeless wish of sleep, the 5th plate of ramen or just the fact that this all sounds so unrealistic that it could be true at the end which made Hoseok decide to watch some videos about people who experienced those walkings in dreams. All those people talked in such a persuasive way, both people, who walked through dreams and had dream walkers in their dreams.  
Over 20 videos later, at 5am in the morning, Hoseok was almost about to believe that dream walkers exists. Maybe someone is trapped or kidnapped, or just needs someones help? And they walk through so many dreams and just got into Hoseok by chance? Or someone is trying to make his life harder, keeping him awake just to make him suffer for what reason it could be?

So many questions, even more than before all those videos. Hoseok didn't know what to do.

"What if, they will die... because I....."

His heart started to beat fast at the thought that someone is really walking in his dreams because they maybe need help.  
Immediately, Hoseok went to Kihyuns room, slamming the door open and waking him a bit too rough up. Kihyun screamed and defended himself, even though he's a wimp he can hit Hoseok harder than Hoseok can hit him.

"Ki Ki It's me! I need your help!"

"Hoseok darling, don't scream...."

"Help me to fall asleep!"

"What the-"

Kihyun couldn't believe what he just heard. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his phone, he has an hour left until his alarm would go off. A big sigh left his lips, he has no clue what Hoseok was thinking now.

"Okey, I hope you know what you do."

"I don't to be honest, but-"

"Good fcking night"

"Wait!!!!"

Kihyun rolled his eyes harder than normal humans could and went up from his bed and let Hoseok lay on it. He sat on the floor, waiting while Hoseok made himself comfortable in his bed.  
Hoseok wasn't sure if his plan will work, if he had one. He was still terrified and would rather stay awake now, but he wanted to sleep and see if he can catch the dream walker. Nothing else mattered at this moment.  
Kihyun yawned really loud and tried to hold his eyes open while Hoseok prepared himself to sleep soon.  
Before he could close his eyes, Kihyun asked him what his plan is, and if he's really sure about it.  
It took him good 2 minutes to answer it.

"I want to let this dreams end, like, see who screams at me and maybe see the dream walker who won't leave me alone."

"Dream walker? Ah, you mean the link I sended you... Do you really think it's true?"

"Didn't... didn't you send it me..?"

"Yes but... Nevermind, let's see how far you can come, I'm here always so you don't have to worry Hoseok. Just..sleep."

"Yes.... Thank... You.."

The tiredness took over Hoseok and he finally closed his eyes, Kihyun took a deep breath and went through his hair.  
Hoseok never slept longer than 20 minutes, and now out of nowhere, he wants to sleep until the end of his dreams. Kihyun was sceptic, he was curious about this all, too, but he didn't believe Hoseok could endure it that long.

After some minutes of silence, Hoseok finally started to moan in his sleep. His expression changed immediately, he moved his eyebrows down, his legs got shaky, his breath unregulated.  
Kihyuns expression also changed, he wanted to put his hands on Hoseok, try to comfort him but he knew he would only wake him up and he had to try it all again.  
Hoseoks moans got louder, but he didn't scream like he usually did. Kihyun looked at the clock, it's been longer than 40min now that he's trying to sleeping, it felts like hours for him but probably only some minutes for Hoseok.

Finally, after an hour he woke up, his face was literally shining and his eyes had a much better color. Hoseok himself felt much better. But he was disappointed. He didn't saw what he wanted and also didn't reach the end of the dream.

"And? Did you see them?"

Hoseok was still half asleep as Kihyun asked him this with big curiosity.

"Well... I maybe heard a name but.. Not more than usually..."

"But you slept longer at least!"

"Oh... I'm glad."

"Same, with more time you will be able to see that person im sure about this! Anyways, tell me the name you heard."

"It was something with M I think..."

"...That's all you remember?"

That's all he wants to remember. He heard how someone screamed a name and tried to tell him something like "Help me, please". Slowly but surely, Hoseok was convinced that someone was kidnapped and needs help. It was too much for him to believe or even deal with, he is a normal preschool teacher, he's for sure strong build but he is too scared to go to a dark basement and get someone free from a psychopath.  
He was at the same point like before he got to know about dream walker. Hopeless and tired.

Kihyun still tried to cheer him up, saying that he will see him someday for sure and everything will have an end. He had to leave for work so he let Hoseok stay in his apartment since he had no one at his who's waiting for him and went out.  
_  
Hoseok wasted his time with watching more videos about dream walkers and also in general about dreams, but none of them could explain his situation, like always. Suddenly, he remembered he had to work today, his shift started at 10am, but he didn't know if he's able to get up and work with 8 little children who are screaming and playing around. But knowing he could lose this job since he missed many shifts already, he persuaded himself, took his keys and phone and went out to his apartment to get ready.

After an hour he finished his make up and put some comfortable clothes on, he also swallowed some pills which should give him the feeling he's awake. Before he put his shoes on, he looked at the mirror, facing himself, seeing his tired expression. He sighed at this view.

"What happened to you, you were handsome. And alive. When was the last time you went to the gym? When did you go out with your friends for the last time? You're a mess..."

From a tired expression to an angry one, Hoseok just rolled his eyes and went to the door. He was sick of seeing himself like this.  
So sick and tired.  
_  
Just like the lately, Hoseok couldn't focus at all and it took him always too long to react to any person talking to him. He had to bring the children to bed, but it took him too long that they weren't tired anymore and were running around, screaming and throwing things in the air.  
Bringing the children out to the park was also a total catastrophe, with only 8 children it was too much for him to take care of all, so they had to leave way earlier than they wanted to.  
Everything was a mess, Hoseok felt like crying. The only thing next to working out that makes him happy was his job, he loves the children, he loves taking care of them, but he couldn't anymore.

It was drawing hour, easy to handle. Just let the children draw something and then say it looks great. Hoseok sat on the too little chair and gave his best to keep his eyes open, smiling at the little humans whenever they showed them a drawing.  
Even though his attention span was short at time, he could notice how one child didn't draw at all. He looked sad at the table, almost like as if he's about to cry any second.  
After recapturing the day, Hoseok realized that child wasn't playing today, or even eating properly.

He went up and said that he will be back soon and they should just keep on drawing. He went to the little boy and put a hand on his shoulder, whispering he should come with him for a second. He didn't react at first, he was staring at the table, trying to hold his tears back. After Hoseok repeated himself, he looked up and nodded silently. They both went out to the garden, no one was there right now so they didn't had to worry someone will disturb them.  
They set down on a bench, the trees around them covered them in a cool shadow, it was peacefully quiet and calm.

Until Hoseok broke the silence and asked what's wrong.

He put his hand on his head, comforting him as good as he can. He saw it's hard for the little boy to talk about it, and maybe it wasn't a good idea to ask him that now, but Hoseok can't let a child be sad. It hurts his heart to see him like this, so he asked again.

"If you don't want to say it, then you don't have to, let us call your parents the-"

"I miss my brother!!!"

Finally, he started to cry and let everything out he hold back for so long. He hid his face in Hosoeks hug, holding on his t shirt and sobbing really loud.  
It was hard for him to form any words with his lips, but he could manage to say something. And Hoseok was the next who wanted to cry now. 

"My big brother he... being missing since weeks.. He.. We don't know where he and, and if he's still alive... its so sad at home no one talk no one laugh we all are so.... so sad...."

"oh my God.... I... Shh shh it's okey, the police will find them, they will find your brother and he will be home again I'm sure.."

"I miss him I miss him so much.... Minhyuk Hyung...I miss him..."

"Wait, what is his name?"

The little boy got loose from Hoseoks hug and wiped his tears from his eyes.

"Minhyuk... Lee Minhyuk...my big brother.."

Minhyuk. That was the name. The person who haunts Hoseoks dreams was him.

Hoseok took the child and went to his coworkers, saying he needs to go home and himself need to go, too. Before they could ask what happened, Hoseok took his shoes and run to Kihyuns work place. He had to tell that him.

Hoseok reached the photo studio Kihyun was working at. Without knocking on the door, he just threw himself in the studio. Kihyun, who was taking pictures of a soon married couple, closed his eyes slowly and inhaled loud, moving his head to Hoseok, who was breathing heavily. He signaled him that they need to talk now.

Kihyun apologized at the couple and said he will come back soon and that they should take a break now, Hoseok apologized, too, bowing five times while walking to the next room with Kihyun.  
With a rabid voice, Kihyun asked his over fluttering friend.

"So... What happened now? It better be something important darling."

"Minhyuk. Lee Minhyuk. That's his name Kihyun, a child from the kindergarten I work at is his brother he told me he is missing Kihyun the man who's haunting me is Minhyuk and he needs help!"

"..... Damn. That's really terrible.. But what can you do?"

"I don't know, help the police or..No, they won't believe me.. Maybe...."

"Hoseok, I know you can't leave someone alone who needs help, but the only thing you know is his name, not how he looks like or where he could be. You can't do muc-"

"Give me your laptop!"

"What waiT!"

Hoseok took the open laptop from the table and opened a new tab, Kihyun tried to get it back but he was too weak to get through Hoseoks arms.

He opened a site which shows every missing person in Korea, it lets you know the name, age, appearance and also when and where they were seen for the last time.  
He scrolled down until he saw the name 'Lee Minhyuk'.

'·Lee Minhyuk, 24  
·Light brown, curly hair, one eye with a lid, mole above the mouth, distinctive cheekbones, very skinny and tall, wore a black jacket and light blue jeans, black sneakers  
·Last seen in a caffee shop nearby the Seoul University of Science  
·25th May, Friday, at 7:30pm'

"I know where this is.. It's close to your place Hoseok."

Kihyun took the papers away to read the informations, he seemed very worried, now it's confirmed that someone is kidnapped and is screaming for help on Hoseoks dreams. He felt like he's in a horror movie, even though he isn't the one who had those dreams. He couldn't imagine how Hoseok must felt like.  
Knowing there is a person, trapped in a dark basement, trying everything to get help that they even haunt the dreams of others and you can't do anything but look at the screen and see the persons picture. Hoseoks heart ached, he felt bad for avoiding the dreams for so long, for not taking the screams of help seriously and letting someone suffer for so long.

He knew, he had to help him.

"Ki....I need to do something.."

"I..."

Kihyun sighed. It all started to help him to get some hours of sleep and now there's someone kidnapped. It was too much for him, but leaving Hoseok alone with that wasn't an option for him.

He stood up and took Hoseoks hand, who was confused by that action, because Kihyun did something he rarely does to his friends.  
He hugged Hoseok and hold his head with his hand. He knew how much physical affection can help Hoseok.  
Hoseok was surprised, but it helped. He felt much better and braver now, knowing his best friend will always be there for him.  
He hugged him back, much stronger than Kihyun could bear, giving him tiny kisses on his cheeks and chin. Kihyuns little but loud screams made him stop eventually and Kihyun turned back to his work with the soon married and now annoyed couple.

Hoseok went home and called his work place to explain that he had to do something really important. His boss made him clear that he's really about to lose his job, even though she can't really lose someone as good as Hoseok.  
He was aware of that, but explaining his situation would only cause her to completely lose hope.

Kihyun had to finish his shooting, but he promised to be there as soon as he could.  
There while, Hoseok tried to learn everything about his controlling dreams he could find, it seemed easy to do but also hard since he has to be comfortable and calm while having the dream, which is still impossible for him.  
Nonetheless, he told himself that he can't feel worse than Minhyuk, who is probably more and more terrified with each day he has to wake up im this dark place, not knowing if he will survive the day only to wake up terrified, alone and hopeless again. He was still at home, free, surrounded by friends. He can't lose anything, only Minhyuk.

Minhyuk. That boy didn't leave his mind since he knows the name. Hoseok couldn't imagine how much he was suffering until now, how scared he must be.

"Minhyuk..You have a really pretty name...I wonder how you were before this all happened...."

Minhyuk.

"Why did you choose me? Is it bc I know your brother? Why didn't you choose your parents or anyone else.."

Why me?

"I'm...Im sorry Minhyuk.. Fuck, I'm so sorry I should have let you scream for help im-"

"Oh God Hoseok get some eggs"

9 minutes were left for Kihyun to finish his work but he was already in Hoseoks living room, putting his jacket and bag on the floor.  
Hoseok wiped the tears from his eyes and pointed on the clock, asking why he's here already.

"I finished earlier to have more time for you, and what do I see here. You cry for something that's not your fault."

"It is, he could've been out there since weeks if I have-"

"You didn't know! Hoseok, you didn't know there's really a person who is kidnapped and tries to get help through your dreams listen to my words that all sounds so ridiculously unreal, no one would've believed that. Not even you. It's not your fault. Please understand that before I get really mad.."

"It.. It really isn't my fault?"

"Yes, it is not."

It was hard for Hoseok to not give him the fault, after all he could be the only one who had Minhyuk in his dreams and therefore the only one who could help him. But Kihyun was right, how could he know something like dream walkers exists and one of them is in his dreams?  
After all, he still had a chance to get Minhyuk out of there. As long as he can dream, he's alive.

"You..."

"...I?"

".. If I say you're right you will feel so proud I don't wanna say it."

"You really.."

Kihyun threw his dirty socks he just took off on Hoseoks face. He just laughed at this reaction and threw it back to him, they both started to threw everything they could grab near them and played like the little children in Hoseoks work place.  
Its been a long time since Hoseok had laughed this much, his living room wasn't filled with so much laughter and he missed that. Kihyun missed it, too. They both haven't laughed together for so long.

After they both had their fun and Kihyun cleaned everything and even cooked dinner, they decided to attempt to communicate with Minhyuk. None of them knew how, let alone if it's even possible. Kihyun suggested to try sleeping until the end of his dreams again, but Hoseok didn't believe this could work since he can't be calm while sleeping. The only way it could work was to have a lucid dream, means Hoseok can control himself in his dream and make himself speak to Minhyuk. But Hoseok never had one, nor does he know how he can get one. Only Kihyuns "it needs time, soon it will work" could keep Hoseok calm, but it also drove him crazy. How much time is left for Minhyuk? How much can he wait? It's a fight against the time and the fear of sleeping, to have calm nights again and most importantly, for a human life.  
\--  
They tried it. Again and again. Hoseoks biological clock got completely broken through the random power naps he had to take, his body had reached the limit, he wasn't awake nor tired. It hurted Kihyuns heart to see that, but he knew it won't stop until Minhyuk is free.

This procedure went for four days, without any kind of success, until Hoseok got a call from his boss. Kihyun wasn't with him at this moment, so he couldn't tell him any good excuses for not going to work the last days. Hoseok also completely forgot to tell her that he won't come, now he knew he will lose this job without any hesitation.  
He took his phone and inhaled deeply. Answering the call, he already started to apologize before she could even say hello.

"Im sorry boss I really apologize for not coming to work I totally forgot to-"

"Hoseok. It's fine, I know why you weren't here."

She knew? How? From who? Kihyun?  
Hoseok asked himself thousands of questions instead of answering his boss who was saying calling his name on repeat.

"Ye- Yes I'm sorry. What do you know exactly?"

"Jin told us that you were so shocked after hearing that his older brother went missing. He assumed you are his friend or something and that you can't deal with it. I'm sorry, I should have tried talking to you earlier and understand your situation."

"W...Well.... It's not really like you think, but it's true. I can't deal with it right now, I need some time.."

"I understand. Can you please come to my office today? So we can talk about how you can keep your job and other organizations stuff."

"Yes sure. I'm on my way."

"Good. I'm not there right now, so please wait there if it's okey. I apologize again."

With this, she ended the call and left Hoseok alone with the tooting of the phone.  
At one hand, he felt so relieved to know he won't lose his job, but at the other hand he doesn't really know if he can say Minhyuk is his "friend". That would be lying, but he can't think of any other excuse to tell her so she won't think he's completely crazy.

After getting too deep into his thoughts while walking to the kindergarten, Hoseok couldn't even tell what kind of relationship he has to Minhyuk. For sure he wants to protect him, get him out from wherever he is right now. But, what will happen after? Hoseok can't see him not being with Minhyuk, he still wants to protect him even if he's free. However, he doesn't know him, maybe he's a bad human, maybe all this dream walker thing isn't even true and he's just imagining everything at the end. Maybe Minhyuk won't like him because he has been trying to avoid the dreams and therefore his attempts to get help. Maybe Minhyuk isn't even alive after freeing him.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Completely drowned in his thoughts, he reached the kindergarten and went to the building. Before putting a foot into it, he went his room and saw children who were playing in the garden. It was his class, he was glad they all are happy and having fun. He looked at every child, one by one. But then he noticed one of them weren't there.

Jin. The brother of Minhyuk wasn't here. Hoseok didn't know what to feel now. Is it a bad sign? Did something happen that he must stay at home?  
Luckily his coworkers saw him and asked the confused man why he's looking at his class with big question mark on his face. Baffled, he asked. 

"Why isn't Jin here today?"

The expressions of his coworkers changed immediately. Hoseok got a really, really bad feeling because of that. He waited impatiently for an answer, and after repeating his question he finally got one.

"His parents were here and took him home before you came."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"They found the brother."

Hoseok didn't believe a single word he jusr heard. He was working so hard the past weeks and now all of sudden minhyuk was free before he even processed his situation properly.

But instead of feeling like all his struggle and hard work was useless, he felt how his heart stopped beating and his whole chest got warm. His coworkers looked at him with confussion, because his eyes got teary and he smiled at the ground, silently crying. He was happy. Happier than his body could handle at this moment. But not for him, he was happy and relieved that Minhyuk is finally free and doesn't have to suffer anymore, that he's alive and back to his family. That's all he ever wanted.

"Hoseok shit are you okey? Hey hey don't cry, Jin will come back he just-"

Hoseok kindly ignored his coworkers and walked away from them, taking his phone to call Kihyun and tell him the amazing news. His hands were still shaky and he couldn't stop crying but he only cared about Minhyuk at this moment and how everything has found its end.

And then he saw the young, brown haired man, hugging his little brother with tears in his eyes and a wide smile. His parents crying bc of happiness, the little boy screaming how much he has missed his brother.

And there was Hoseok, seeing Minhyuk in front of him for the first time. And his heart was beating really, really fast. 

What kind of feeling is that?  
\--  
"Hoseok that's great! You can finally sleep and he's free that's so amazing! Oh god, I'm also free not to be rude but you were SO clingy I couldn't even pee without you-... Hoseok honey are you listening?"

"No... I'm sorry Kihyun I.."

"You really say no damn... Are you still so shocked because of happiness?"

"I.. It's not only happiness I think it's... I don't know... I feel so, warm? I can't stop thinking about Minhyuk and not because he's finally free no it's something..... Else..."

"What.. What are you talking about Hoseok..."

Kihyun sounded a bit scared through the phone. He had a feeling of what Hoseok was going to say, he hoped with every inch of his body that he's misinterpreting it though.

"Kihyun please don't laugh but I really think I just.. I felt in love with him. I saw him, crying, hugging his brother and I could only think about how I beautiful he is and how much I want to protect him and-"

"Yes, protect him that's what you always wanted. Because he was kidnapped and you had the chance to help him Hoseok, nothing more!"

"But what if there is more! What if that all was destiny and -"

"We ain't starting here with destiny darling."

"Kihyun. Why are you so mean now.... What would be so bad if I am in love with him?"

What would be so bad about it? Why should I be against it?  
Kihyun couldn't answer these, of course. He knew he can't. And yet, he also couldn't accept it.  
He could only apologize and explain that he wasn't thinking before talking. Everything else would just make it complicated.

"It's alright Ki.. I will go home now and sleep! See you tomorrow and..."

".......... And?"

"Thank you. For everything. I love you my friend."

"Oh God goodnight Hoseok!"

With a light laugh Hoseok put his phone back to his pocket and walked home. Each step he did felt so free, he knew he will sleep when he's home and is also full of love now. Everything just seemed so perfect.

Kihyun there while stared at his phone,sadness taking over his body. He closed his eyes slowly and took a deep breath, his heart was beating fast, just like Hoseoks did as he saw Minhyuk.

"I love you."  
"I love you."  
"I love you."  
"I love you."  
"I love you."

He can't stop hearing those words in his mind. Again and again. "I love you". But then he heard "my friend". His friend.

Softly, kihyun mumbled to himself.

"I love you, too...but.."

But.

"Not..as your goddamn friend."  
\--  
"Hosoek, I've reached my limit please for the love of God pick up your damn phone I'm kinda panicking right now please. Your friend, Kihyun."

The 15th voice message Kihyun sended today, frustrated he opened KakaoTalk to see if Hosoek saw any of his messages. He didn't. It's past 4pm and Hosoek didn't show any signs of life since their last phone call. Kihyun knew he's catching up sleep he didn't get for ages but it's been a day now and he's really concerned about him. He needs to eat and poop and because his Kihyuns work schedule he couldn't go to Hosoek and see if he's still alive.

"I really hope he's fine..."

"Oh my, are you worried about a someone Kihyun?"

Those annoying words could only come from one person. Kihyuns long lost friend Chae Hyungwon. With a long light brown overcoat, tight black skinny jeans and his grey hair parted in the middle, the model like man entered the studio of Kihyun and sat down on the only chair you could find in this room. Kihyuns eyes couldnt leave the appearance of him, he saw his friend styled and handsome many times but after not seeing him for almost 5 months, he was truly impressed. And a tiny little bit jealous. He won't admit this though.

"Whoms?"

"Don't act like you don't know me, I saw you in baby diapers sweetie."

"Don't ac like you didn't vanished for almost an half year, I've changed your goddamn baby diapers!"

"Wow wow okey, I'm sorry I was busy."

"With what? I tried to call you thousands of times I was desperated for your help!"

"I was working on a book. A compilation of old poems analyzied by me an-"

"I don't care what you analed I needed your help and you were no where to find!"

Kihyuns voice raised up high and his eyes almost got teary. In all the years Hyungwon knows him by now, he never saw him like this. It was serious. He really needed him.

"I.. I'm sorry, I was overseas.. I should've tell you.." 

Kihyun ignored his friend now. He stared at his phone hoping it will ring and Hoseok is finally calling him back.

Kihyun hates to cry in front of others. He can only let out his tears when Hyungwon is with him, he's the only one who can see him like this.  
And finally, he came back and Kihyun just let it out. He cried, he cried without holding anything back. Seeing Hoseok so sick and tired and terrified for weeks was pure torture for him, and now he could finally deal with the pain.

Hyungwon panicked and tried to calm Kihyun down. Nothing helped, he was confused because he doesn't know what the reason could be now. He onky knew how to hug Kihyun in order to calm him down, of course without being stabbed afterwards.  
He put one hand on Kihyuns shoulder, the other on his little head. Slowly he pushed his face closer to him, embracing him lightly.  
Kihyun shaky hands hold on Hyungwons overcoat and he pushed himself even closer. Hugged like this gave Kihyun a feeling of safety, he felt protected and hold. He needed this.

Hyungwon pet his head and waited patiently for Kihyun to calm down and explain him everything.  
After some minutes which felt like hours for both of them, Kihyun finally loosen himself from Hyungwon and wiped the tears from his eyes. His nose was red, just like his ears. Hyungwon gave him a tissue and told him to sit down.

Even when they both act like they hate each other and won't admit how much they actually mean to each other, only Hyungwon knows how you can comfort Kihyun probably, only Kihyun knows how sensitive Hyungwon can be, only they know how the other one really is. Even though they can't see each others face.  
Thats the reason why they are still friends even after many years of absence and fights, they guess.

Kihyun talked. He explained that his friend Hosoek was harassed by terrible nightmares and it affected his health and work. He, at least, tried to explain that he got those because of someone who was kidnapped and got into his dreams to get help. He explained that he wanted his help since he knows how good Hyungwon is in terms of sleeping and relaxing. Beside professional help, Hyungwon was the last person Kihyun trusted enough to ask for help.  
Hyungwon listened carefully. Kihyun saw how his expression changed and how guilty he must felt now. Before he explained anything else he tried to calm down first.

"But it's over now. They have found him, he's free and Hoseok can sleep now. I'm worried because he's sleeping since a day now and haven't answered my calls or anything."

"Pff don't worry Kihyun, I've slept for almost 2 days and nothing happened, he's fine I bet."

"Wow you must be proud to be you, huh."

"On good days, yes."

A deep sigh was the only response Kihyun could give. He felt relieved now that he could tell Hyungwon his feelings and also cried them out, but his heart is still feeling so heavy and blazing.  
He hasn't told him everything.

Hesitantly, he asked. 

"There's some more I need to tell you. Can I?" 

"Why so pious? Tell me."

"I.. I was so worried about Hoseok because.. Because I... Kinda uhm.."

"Love him?"

"UHM.."

Nose, ears, and now cheeks, all in red. Kihyun kept his feelings toward Hoseok for himself because of the old 'I don't want our friendship to end' reason.  
It was obvious for hyungwon though. He knows Kihyun worries a lot for his friends, but never that he cries for them.

"Wow. You're really in love with him? Like, in a romantic way?"

"Is it disgusting or what?"

"No oh my Kihyun, you have always had a crush on boys."

"What? Never! What are you talking about!"

Hyungwon counted some experiences on his fingers while telling Kihyun them.

"You cooked cookies for this one boy in elementary school uhm... Jooheon? And called him your husband in this children game 'pretend'. You couldn't stop talking about this one emo boy who had a photoshoot with you once, he called himself I.M and failed his entrance to this science university because he wanted to be a rapper. Oh! And you couldn't stop staring at this well build man in this flower shop next to that expensive Caffè shop, Hyunwoo was his name i think? Oh and one time you-"

"I got it oh God yes!! You know I'm gay even before I did okey congratulations Hyungwon but this time it's not a damn crush. I'm really deeply in love. You don't know Hoseok he's, he's the most amazing human I know. I love him. A lot. But he sees me as nothing more than a friend. His friend Kihyun! And now he felt in love with that Minhyuk boy means, I lost my chance..."

To hear those words from Kihyun was new to Hyungwon. He realized now how much it saddens him. But sadly, he also has no clue what to do.

"I'm sorry.."

Hyungwons words echoed through the studio. Kihyun didn't say anything. There wasn't anything left to say. In his eyes, it was over.  
\--  
Hyungwon stayed there for a while until Kihyun finished editing the pictures and finally closed the studio. He was tired, but thinking about how he will wake up Hoseok, nag about how worried he was and then cook something for him gave him motivation and energy.

However, there was a Hyungwon who would ask if he also wanted to come to Hoseok. Nothing big for Kihyun, but he missed Hoseok too much to share his time with someone else than only him.

"So .. Do you wanna come with me, or?"

"To see how whipped you are him? I would love to!"

"Amazing.."

"But, I have to pass. I just came back today I need some 'me time'."

Kihyuns heart beated in joy and he gave Hyungwon a bright smile and said how sad he is that he won't come. Sarcastically, of course.

"I know you want your time with him, just like me and Changkyun."

"Who the hell is Changkyun?"

"The emo boy you had a crush on. Now guess who has a crush on him."

It's been a while since Kihyun heard Hyungwons old man like laugh, he must be really having fun with this Changkyun boy.

"See you in hell", was their goodbye as Hyungwon went into his car and drove away. Kihyun felt much lighter now, he opened his heart to someone finally, even though he still doesn't know what he should do.

"At least he gets laid..."

A little jealousy?  
\--  
It was past 6pm and the street lights were on, it wasn't really dark but enough to feel unsafe on the streets. Kihyun walked to Hoseoks home, in his hands two big bags with grocery stuff he will feed his friend with tonight. Completely drown in his thoughts, he didn't saw that a small boy was running right into him, letting him drop his heavy bags. The boy stopped suddenly and just looked at Kihyun with fear in his eyes. But Kihuyn wasn't in the mood to be mad now. He just went down and started to pick the groceries up, still thinking about Hoseok.

Kihyun heard a husky, almost shaking voice from in front of him, a young man appeared and kneed down to help him with picking up everything.

"Oh God, I'm.. Im so sorry, he didn't saw you, s-sir"

His hands shoke more than his voice, Kihyun guessed that he's somehow scared to help him?  
The younger boy came to them and just whispered to the young man's ear, saying sorry again and again, he just tried to calm him down.

"It's okey Jin, just wait now, okey?"

Kihyun raised his head to the man and looked into his eyes, he saw that he's really nervous, almost in panic. His smile was fake and his eyes wide open.  
He didn't have the time to deal with this now so he took the things in front of the man and said it's fine and he can go, but the little boy slapped his hand away and screamed.

"Don't you touch him!!" 

Kihyun almost dropped the precious bread as the little boy slapped his hand out of nowhere to protect his father? Brother? A bit too old friend? Kihuyn was confused, but his mind was full of Hoseok only, he just didn't have time to deal with this right now.

So he picked the last things up from the ground and went up, bowing in front of the two to apologize.

He didn't know why, he hasn't touch him or even said something offensive. However, it was the only thing he could do for now so he can finally leave.

"It's fine! I'm sorry we disturbed you, I-"

"Like I said it's fine, good afternoon."

"G-good afternoon.."

Kihyun took his bags and walked into the shadows on the other side of the street.  
The little boy hugged the leg of the taller one and apologized again.

"Hyung, I'm sorry... You were scared because of me.."

He went down and put his hands on the boys shoulders, smiling at him softly.

"Jin, it's okey , things like this happens."

"We shouldn't went out it was a mistake im sorr-"

"Shh, it's fine u wanted ice cream we get that ice cream."

"You were scared Minhyuk Hyung..."

He didn't answer immediately because he knew he's true. He was scared, a lot. After all, it's been only two days since he's out of this hell and it still terrified by almost every men he sees now.

"Yes but.. I know my strong little brother will protect me, am I right!!"

Minhyuk attacked his little brother with tickles and they both bursted into laughter. He gave his him a hug, hugged him very tight and kissed his ear before they both went to the little shop to get the ice cream Jin wanted so badly.  
\--  
Finally, Kihyun reached Hoseoks apartment. His hands were already sore bc of the bags, he remembered how his mom used to always have red hands whenever she came back from grocery shopping and how he massaged her tender hands.

"Haha I'm hosoeks mom"

Kihyun laughed at himself while he tried to put the key into the keyhole, which he struggled with since the heavy bags were bothering him.

"Haha, I'm Hoseoks mom, cook, cleaner, therapist, bank, friend.."

The key finally went in.

"That's it.."

Kihuyn stopped laughing as he opened the door.

"Amazing."

He finally entered the apartment of Hoseok, who he found in his bed, sleeping so peacefully. He really was sleeping the whole time, Kihyun couldn't imagine how hungry he will be when he wakes up.

He went to the kitchen and started to cook, but not only simple ramen like always. He planned to cook every favorite dish of Hoseok he could think of, and only one pot of ramen. Kihyun won't admit it, but he always loved to cook for others. Especially for Hoseok since he's the cutest when he eats.

Kihyun wouldn't want to show that he's excited to feed Hoseok soon, but his shy smile exposed him at the end. He missed Hoseok, more than he could bare.

The dinner was ready, only Hoseok was missing now. Kihuyn put the last plates on the table and went up to his bedroom. Before he opened the door, he inhaled deeply. He had to control his feelings and don't show that he was way too happy about seeing him.

"Hey Hoseok! Wake up or I will come with a glass of water!"

Nothing. Hoseok was in a mini coma and nothing could wake him up, but Kihyuns longing for Hoseoks attention was too big to just accept it.

"Fine. I warned you, my darling."

With a big glass of cold water Kihyun entered Hoseoks room again and threw it on him, first his face and then down to his whole body. Hoseok finally woke up, a bit noisy and with his arms swinging around, but he woke up. Kihyun couldn't hide his smile, he looked at Hoseok as if he hadn't seen him for years. Before Hoseok could notice his smile he left the room and said that dinner is ready, not waiting for him to come with him.

Hoseok was confused and hurt because of the water, but he realized really fast that food is waiting for him so he got up, washed his face, even though it's already washed, and got new clothes on.  
With shorts which gave you a free view of his pale and well trained legs he entered his living room and sat down to eat. He thanked Kihyun for the meal and started to swallow a lot of food.

Kihuyn couldn't start eating. The legs. He saw Hoseok almost naked, nothing new, but since his feelings toward him got bigger and more intense, his mind went crazy about him.  
He wanted to see more. But he can't let his feelings take control over him, not now where Hoseok is in love with, someone else.

Someone who doesn't even know that Hoseok went through so much pain for him, to not even got a simple 'thank you' for that. Someone who doesn't know what a beautiful human he is. Someone who doesn't deserve him.

And the someone who does know that, who does know that he's a beautiful human, can't get him.

"... Friend.."

"Hm? What did you say?"

Kihyun was stuck in his own mind, letting his sorrow take over him again.  
He smiled and started to eat, finally.

"N..nothing I just... Was thinking. What will you do now? Ask this minhyuk boy out, haha."

Hoseok did not laugh. He seemed very serious about this, he went through hell for this man and even though he should just forget it and live his life, he can't. He wants to talk with him, just once.

"I don't know. I just, want to make sure he's fine, say that I'm sorry for not reacting fast enough... I really don't know.."

"You want to apologize? For what? You did your best Hoseok he should be thankful not-"

"Kihyun if I wouldn't been so scared and, and dumb he could have been out there much earlier! I just hate knowing that he screamed for help for so long and I ignored it.. It hurts.."

"Hoseok..."

"And.. I want to know why he chose me. We don't know us, I can't remember seeing him before this all started, I want to know why me."

"Oh... you're right..."

"Are you... Mad?"

Kihyun was mad. At himself. He only thought about him and how he doesn't want to lose Hoseok to Minhyuk, not wasted a second thinking about how he must feel.

He has to let Hoseok go.

"I'm.. Im worried. But I trust you, do what you think is the best. Now eat, before I finish everything"

"You're funny kihuyn, I can eat more than you!"

"you wish!"  
\--  
It's been an eternity since Hoseok entered the kindergarten and did not feel deadly tired and exhausted. He was excited and happy to work again with energy and motivation, to see the children again and have fun with them.

He talked with his boss and they agreed that he can continue working there, the only requirement he had to agree with was to shorten his salary. But he never cared about the money, he just was happy to work again.

For today he planned something special. He bought many candies and drinks and organized a little party for the children. Strictly speaking, he wasn't allowed to give the children candy and let them dance and scream uncontrolled, but he missed them too much to care about these now.

One by one, the children came to their room and he hugged everyone as a greeting. He smiled widely, his heart was filled with joy as he saw his little angels again. But one of them made his smile bigger than the others.

Jin came back after weeks of absence, his friends greeted him with a group hug and were really happy to see him again. Same goes to Hoseok, he truly missed this little boy and were deeply worried, he couldn't talk with him for weeks after all.  
Jin put his jacket and shoes to the hanker and as he saw Hoseok, he run to him with open arms and a loud "Hyuuuuung!!".  
Hoseok of course run to him and catched him to swing him around. They both spin around and laughed out loud.

"Hyung Hyung I missed you so much! You won't believe what happened!"

"Oh my, what did happen Jin-ie?"

"My brother is back!! He's back home and we all are happy and laughing and eating so much!!!"

Hoseok faked the biggest gasp in his life, but the happiness he felt at this moment wasn't fake. He smiled so bright at Jin, who was talking nonstop about how much he has missed his brother.  
He listened intently to Jin, totally forgetting that there are other children who are confused about all the snacks and balloons.

And totally overlooking the young handsome man, waiting with a lunch box in his hands on the door.  
With a soft voice, he tried to call Jin to him, but he was speaking so loud not even Hoseok could hear him. So he went to them, getting down to Jin and touching his shoulder.

"You forgot your food Jin..."

His voice, so soft yet it sounded so anxiously.

Hoseok didn't realize who was just standing right in front of him. He saw Minhyuk this close for the first time, not screaming, not crying, but smiling. Smiling at his little brother who apologized to him with a kiss on his cheeks.

Smiling so beautifully like no one else could.

Trapped in his daydreaming about the most beautiful smile, Hoseok didn't realize that Minhyuk went out of the room already, heading to the stairs.

He wanted to talk to him, ask him everything he wanted to know the answer to, just say that he's happy he's free.

But something held him back. He can't say what. Every concern and bad thoughts he had at this moment were too big to just ignore. What if.

What if Minhyuk doesn't believe him and thinks he's a psycho. What if he gets scared of him and never wants to talk with him. What if his wish to finally hug him once won't ever get fulfilled.

What if.

"E-excuse me!"

Hoseok doesn't want to say what if.

"I..I wanted to talk with you."

Every concern and bad thoughts vanished slowly, giving him more strength to open his mouth again.

"I'm Shin Hoseok, I have a lot to tell you."

"...H..hello? I'm sorry but, do we, like, know us?"

Minhyuks voice was wabbly again, Hoseok noticed that and softened his.  
The children took their chance to eat the candies and play with the balloons and toys, the room was filled with screams and falling toys so Hoseok went out to the stairs where Minhyuk was still standing, ready to leave any second.

Minhyuk wasn't sure how to behave now. He knows he's in a safe place, yet his legs brought him to the wall, trying to stay away from Hoseok as far as possible. After all, Hoseok was a big man with out standing muscles.

"I know, this must be really weird and sudden, but there's a lot I have to ask you, I can't find peace before I didn't. Can we, I don't know, meet for a coffee once? I will pay!"

"I.. I don't know.. You must have heard about what happened already, since you are my brothers preschool teacher. I..need time to recover.."

"It is about that what happened to you. It's really important. Just once..?"

Minyhuk wanted to say no so desperately, he sweared to never talk to a man again, not since what happened. However, he couldn't. Hoseok had something, something that didn't scared Minhyuk, but made him calm and feel safe. He can't tell why. His big and muscular body didn't seem to be that scary after hearing his soft voice, and looking into his teary eyes.

It wasn't right to feel like that thought Minhyuk, but it felt right.

"Once...but, I want to talk here, where other people can see us. It's not because of you it's just-"

"No I understand! I'm so happy, you can come whenever you can I will be waiting."

His teary eyes turned into shiny ones suddenly, excited he bowed and said goodbye. Minhyuk just walked down the stairs and didn't said a word. But Hoseok didn't mind, he finally had a chance to talk with him, and he didn't want to ruin it. He can talk with Minhyuk just once.

He went back to the room where the children already started the party without him, a small smile left his lips as he sat down on his chair and just watched them all being overly loud and happy.

Hoseok knew, it's forbidden to use his phone at work bc he always have to look after the kids, but at that moment he just wanted to call his friend Kihyun to tell him the great news. So he did, not caring for a moment about being scolded, that is Kihyuns job after all.

He just had to tell him everything, tell him how hard his heart was beating, how hard it was for him to control his smile. How beautiful Minhyuks smile was.

But Kihyun wasn't that amused to hear it.

"You ..you will really talk with him?"

"I also can't believe it myself! He said he will come someday to the kindergarten and we will talk, I'm so inpatient I want to talk with him now."

"Calm down, it's not a date after all, just you telling him how sick you felt because of him."

"Kihuyn, no we don't do that! Why are you so mad? Is there something you need to tell me?"

And what if? It won't change anything.

"No, I'm sorry today was rough. Take care of you, eat more than ramen."

"I don't bel-"

Kihyun hang up before Hoseok could start whining, he knew something wasn't right but he also know begging Kihyun to tell him won't work, he has to wait until he tells him himselfs.  
Yet, he had a bad feeling about this. He was sure it's probably about the Minhyuk thing, but he can't just not talk to Minhyuk now when he knows he just has to wait a bit.

"I'm sorry Kihyun, please don't be mad at me forever.."

"Who is Kihyun and why is he mad at you?"

One of the children asked him and touched his knee to get his attention. Hoseok just smiled and shoke his head, lifting her up in the air.

"Time for cake!!"

At the same time, somewhere else Kihyun were putting his shoes on to leave Hoseoks dorm room after he finished cleaning it.

"Pls don't be mad at me Hoseok..."

Kihyun whispered at himself, closing the door behind him.

"I'm just scared.. to lose you."  
\--  
Days went by, those turned into weeks. November found its end and the first snow finally felt in Seoul, giving the city the calm it needed.

Hoseok and Kihyun spend christmas with Kihyuns friend Hyungwon and his lover Changkyun, a kind of night Kihyun would love to erease from his memory.

It was just Hyungwon flirting wirh Changykun, choking on everything he tried to eat, Changkyun talking about the meaning of life and quoting vines those boring adults never heard of, Kihyun trying not to laugh too loud at the dumb jokes Hoseok tried to make, Hoseok making dumb jokes.

Well, when he thinks more about it, he wouldn't want to forget the last part.

The past weeks were the calmest and most peaceful ones Kihyun and Hoseok had in such a while, but there was still something that bothered Hoseok each day he woke up.

Minhyuk still hasn't shown up.

Hoseok knew it will take time, he knew it wasn't a promise Minhyuk gave him. He knew, yet he's losing more and more patience and hope that he could start new with him.

He also couldn't go to work bc of the christmas break, means he had to wait until his shifts at January started.

It seemed like the ending of this story. Hoseok had everything back, his sleep, his health, his job, time with his best friend. He could finally start healing from those dark days. But he wanted more.

He wanted to see Minhyuk again, so desperately.

"Hoseok, listen, I know you want to see that Minhyuk guy again and you're all sad and heartbroken, but I beg you eat your goddamn meal."

"Is it even worth it Kihyu-"

"I will throw those chopsticks in your mouth if you end your sentence."

Hoseok choked on his own saliva as Kihyun threatened him, holding the told chopsticks close to his face. Hoseok knew being dramatic again wouldn't mean anything good now.  
Kihyun hated to see him so down like this yet again, because of the same person like 3 months ago.

'If his happiness means seeing Minhyuk, I can't hope for it to not happen.', was what Kihyun was thinking now for a while. And now it seems like he has to accept it finally.

A deep sigh left his mouth as he rolled his eyes and went to Hoseok, putting one hand on his shoulder and the other one on his hand.

He hates being right again.

Everything in Kihyuns body wanted to not say the following words, him helping Hoseok again would mean losing him completely, losing the chance to be more than just a friend. But if it means Hosoek will be happy, Kihyun is ready to take the consequences.

"Your work starts in a week, you will see his brother again. Write a letter, write down that you can't wait anymore, it's really important that he should come as soon as possible and that you're ready to talk everywhere he wants to."

"That's.... Actually a really good idea..."

"Don't tell me you have never thought about this?"

"I was busy being sad and in love."

In love.

"Ah.. Sure."

The last words hit Kihyun more than he expected it, he knows already that Hosoek has fallen for Minhyuk. Still, it hurts, even more hearing it from Hoseok, who smiled purely as saying those words, not having the slightest idea how Kihyuns heart ached.

"Anyways, do that, I can help you writing it good so it doesn't seem like you're a creep."

"Do I sound like one??"

Hoseok fake gasped and pushed Kihyun slightly away, giving him a shy smile.

\--  
"Dear Minhyuk, this might come a bit weird and obtrusive, but I ask you to please understand me. I am waiting desperately for you to come to my work place so I can finally let my soul out and be at peace, I'm aware you are having a hard time, after all I also was involved in your tragedy. But I've lost my patience and soon my manners too so ple-"

"Kihuyn, no not AGAIN!"

Hoseok whined out loud as Kihyun stopped reading the letter he wrote for him, looking at him with a tired expression in his face.

"What? Who knows how long you can play the 'I'm patient and let him have time because that's what nice people do' card?"

"As long as I have to! Give me the paper Kihyun, I fire you as my assistant."

"As. Your what now? It isn't enough that I cook and clean for you, for free?!"

"You can't write nice letters so I fire you, I will do it by myself now!"

"You can't even write Hoseok darling"

"Stop saying thaaaaaat!!"

Writing a simple letter seemed so hard when the things you couldn't even say out loud had to be written down. Hoseok wrote the 6th one, but also ended up throwing away and starting new. It wasn't even a love letter or anything, just a bitte to remember to visit him as soon as possible.

At the end, he somehow wrote a letter he could give Minhyuk, better said his brother. As his work started a week later, he could finally give it to Jin and tell him to give it to his brother.  
With a scared expression on his face he took the letter. 

"Is it bc I clocked the toilet..."

"You di-when?"

"Daehyun told me to it's not my fault!"

"Jin, no it's not.. It's private."

"Do I get into trouble now?"

It's been the third time now that the toilets were clocked but Hoseok only cared about the letter now. So he shoke his head and said he will find an excuse.

Jins face brightened up and he put the letter in his backpack, saying goodbye to Hoseok as his parents came to pick him up.

There it goes. Hosoek is still unsure if it was a good idea. After all he promised to be patient and he knew he shouldn't be rushing Minhyuk. But he also knew his feelings were getting more intense each day he couldn't see him, each day his desire got bigger.

He just wants to see Minhyuk again.  
\--  
Again, days went by and Hoseok couldn't do much but wait and hope, he wondered if the letter was too much and he scared Minhyuk off, but Jin told him his brother will come someday.  
So he was less worried, but therefore even more excited to finally see him.

And then, as Hoseok didn't thought about him for a second for the first time, he heard Minhyuks voice echoing through the empty room.

His heart started to beat fast in the matter of milliseconds, immediately he stopped doing whatever he has been doing and turned around, facing Minhyuk with a big, welcoming smile.

"Y-yes hello! I'm so happy you're here!"

Minhyuk didn't answer, he just smiled shyly and nodded. Hoseoks smile vanished and he asked if everything is okey. Wihout looking up, Minhyuk nodded again and gave him an answer.

"I'm fine. I just want to get over this as fast as possible."

"Yes. Where should we go?"

"I want.. I want to stay here.."

"Ah right... My bad."

Hoseok forgot they agreed to talk in the kindergarten, a place Minhyuk doesn't feel in danger. He suggested going to the kitchen and Minhyuk agreed.

"I will make us some coffee, okey?" 

"Sure."

No one was in the kitchen, Hoseok was glad about it because he's not really allowed to take others in it. But the coworkers were busy preparing everything so he didn't though about it now.

As the boiling water went through the coffee filter and Hoseok didn't expect any other sound than that, Minhyuk spoke and asked him straight forward about the letter.

"So.. You wrote me a letter because you couldn't wait anymore? Is it that important?"

"It ... Well, I just want to clear everything up..."

Minhuyk looked at him with confusion. What could've been so important that he even had to write a letter.

Hoseok put the coffee pots on the table and sat down in front of Minhyuk. He suddenly straighten up his back and just looked at the coffee, not thinking about drinking from it.

"I still don't understand what you want from me, after all you didn't had anything to do with, you know.."

"Actually more than you might think."

Minhyuk understood less then before now. But he knew asking more questions wouldn't help, so he just waited until Hoseok took his sip from the coffee and started talking.

"Why aren't you drinking ur coffee? Did I make it wrong or-"

"It's fine. Please just, say what you wanted to say."

Minhyuks hands got sweaty and he was pulling his shirt. He was nervous, almost in panic. Hoseok assumed it's bc of, that thing. But he didn't wanted him to feel nervous around him. After all, he would never hurt Minhyuk. 

"Is really everything okey?"

"The last time I was alone with a man ended up in me being in his basement so. No, not really."

"I'm sorry."

A sigh left minhyuks lips.

"Why are you sorry? I don't need pity."

"No it's because..."

How can I explain it?

How do you explain something that sounds so unrealistic to someone who doesn't even know you?

"Okey, you maybe won't believe me but I promise you, I'm telling you nothing but the truth."

"We will see.."

And so Hoseok explained him everything that has happened in the past months. That he had horrible nightmares and thanks to his friend he found out its because Minhyuk was trapped in his dreams to find help. That he tried everything to help him through the dreams. That he felt so much pain throughout the time but all of it vanished as he saw him hugging his little brother.

Everything he's been holding back, everything is out now.

Minyhuks eyes were wide open, he tried to understand the story Hoseok just told him.

He whispered something through his slightly open lips, quiet enough that Hoseok wouldn't hear it.

"So it work-"

"And? Do you believe me?"

A silent nod was everything Minhyuk could give now.

"I do. I mean, why would you make all this effort just to lie at the end, right."

"Ri...right.."

"I'm sorry I brought you into so much stress and pain. It never was my intention." 

"No, I beg you don't be like Kihyun now!"

"who is Kihyun?"

"Just a friend of mine. Listen, it was hard for me but you are the one who went through hell so it's alright, I'm just glad you are finally free."

"Yea, thanks for remembering me."

Hoseok apolized immediately and tried to word it differently but Minhyuk just stood up and said he will go now if this was all he wanted to say.

Of course not, thought Hoseok. There's still one thing.

"Yes. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

"No, it's fine, I just want to go home now. Thank you for the coffee."

Minhyuk headed to the door and was about to grab his shoes from the shelter as Hoseok started talking again, but now way more nervous.

"Would you.. Like to meet again? But like, as friends?"

Wihout even bothering to look behind, Minhyuk just sighed and put his shoes on, opening the door to leave.

Hoseok understood his answer, he looked down at his toes and just waited now for him to close the door, but then Minhyuk turned around and nodded again.

"I will text you, I have your number from my mom. Bye."  
\--  
Only 3 more clients left for Kihyun, until then he has to keep his hands in control to not text Hyungwon to rant about that Hoseok and Minhyuk haven't met once only but will meet again.

All he could think about is how happy Hoseok must be right now and that he doesn't waste a sec thinking about him probably.

After he finished the last clients he expected today, he took his phone and scrolled to hyungwon number, ignoring all the messages he got from anyone else.

"Please don't let this ass sleep now.."

Whsipered he as he clicked on his number and hold the phone on his ear, packing his stuff with the other hand there while.

Someone answered his call, asking who it is. But it wasn't Hyungwon.

"It's Kihyun. Who are you?"

"Changkyun, don't you remember me anymore?"

"I called Hyungwon not you. Where is he?"

"I'm sorry, he's out and forgot his phone again, and he deleted every number to focus on his book so I didn't know it' you."

"Okey, I'm sorry I bothered you but I need to talk with him quickly."

"You could come here and wait, I guess."

Spending those stressing hours with the new lover of his old best friend? Kihyun, for sure, would wish to be somewhere else but the other option were being alone at home or with Hoseok, who will possibly talk about Minhyuk for God knows how long.

"I'm on my way, sorry for disturbing."

"No problem."

A loud sigh left his lips as he packed his last stuff in his back. He went to the door and closed the lights, as he got a call from someone. He locked the door behind him and picked his phone up, only to read Hoseoks name on the display.

"Not now goddamn.."

He never missed a call from him, even when he was working he always found a way to talk to him.

However, this time he couldn't endure his voice. Not today.

Not as long as he's in love with Minhyuk.  
-  
"Hello, welcome to our home"

Changkyun said with an annoying tone as Kihyun stepped in and took his shoes off, realizing what he said way too late.

"Oh, you two make it serious now, congrats."

"Don' tell him that he said no one should know especially that Kihyun guy."

"I am that Kihuyn guy."

Kihyun just sat down on the couch, not trying to burst out in laughter. Changkyun sat to the couch in front of Kihyun, going through his hair with his black nailed hands.

"Hyungwon will punish me for this.."

"please Changkyun, keep the bed stuff for yourselfs."

Changykuns loud scream like laugh gave Kihyun almost an heart attack, he tried to deny it but Kihyun just nod his head sarcastically.

"Anyways, those bed stuff isn't important now, tell me what is bickering you?"

"I think you know pretty well. Hyungwon can't shut up."

"I mean h-"

"But I don't care anymore. Hoseok will meet with Minhyuk again, it seems like he believes him and he's not scared of him. He will soon see the kind of person Hoseok is, fall in love with him and then I lost my chance. Forever."

I lose Hoseok forever.

Silence filled the room, both didn't know what to say anymore. Kihuyn doesn't have anything more to say, since everything he talks into existence hurts him more and more.  
Changkyun doesn't know Hoseok nor Kihyun good enough to give any good advice, but he knew already that an advice wouldn't help at all.

Kihyun knew Hoseok would not leave him forever and they will still be friends, but that's also what hurts. They won't ever be more than friends, Hoseok will never treat him as he treats Minhyuk, have those feelings toward him, kiss him, say he loves him too.

He knew, he's just his friend.

"Kihyun, why are you crying?"

He didn't notice that tears were rolling down his cheeks. At the moment he felt a drop on his hand and realized how much it hurted him, he tried to hide his face behind his hands to not let Changkyun see him crying, but Changkyun hold them back, wiping the tears away on his own.

He knew why he cried, Kihyun felt hopeless, not knowing what the future will bring him. Hurt.

He just cried his sadness out in the dark room, not saying a word, like Changkyun who just gives him more and more tissues and tried to comfort him the best he could.

He felt hopeless and yet, there was still a little bit of hope he hold on to, a bit of hope that maybe the table will turn.

Not knowing what kind of tragedy the future will bring him.

After a while he calmed down and went to the bathroom to wash his face. He realized there is no use in talking anything out, he would just waste his time with a couple.

He went back to the living and said he will go now, he's tired and just want to go home.

Changkyun understood and asked if he should drive him home, but Kihyun denied friendly.  
He just wants to be alone for now.

"Don't tell Hyungwon I cried, or that I was here at all."

"No worries, your little secret is safe!"

Changykun said with a wink as Kihyun went to the door and finally left the dorm, shaking his head.  
\--  
"How about this?"

"Hoseok, it's the third shirt you tried on now and again, your chest is highly visible."

The third shirt before he tried 2 pullovers, a hoodie and even a suit. And that all just for another meeting with Minhyuk, after all Hoseok wanted to look better than the last time with a pink apron.

"I don't even understand why you don't want your chest seen I mean, they sexy."

"I don't want my muscles to been seen, I want to look soft for him."

Another hoodie but it still wasn't good enough. While Hoseok was having a breakdown over his outfit, Kihyun tried his hardest to not look at the half nacked man.

Youre so dumb, Kihyun thought.

"You're fine Hoseok, just wear this here and it should be alright."

A simple pink hoodie Hoseok got from his mother didn't seemed to be enough at first, but after putting it on Hoseok felt like this was the right choice.

He thanked him and started doing his make up, Kihyun eyes were focused on his soft skin getting foundation and other stuff on it. Hoseok never did his make up for someone else, he rarely styles himselfs up.

Jealousy filled Kihyuns mind, he does so much for this Minhyuk guy and Kihyun never got this kind of effort. He of course loved Hoseok with or wihout make up and pretty clothes but it felt nice seeing him so pretty.

But it wasn't for him.

After Hoseok finished making himself to a good looking guy, Kihyun just waited for him to finally get down so they both can go to the caffee to meet with Minhyuk.

"And you're really okey with it?"

"I want to meet him too, after all I helped him too."

"Yea, 20% from 100%."

"No Hoseok it's always 50 50 with us."

Hoseok started to laugh as Kihyun said those words with his one hand on his shoulder, his laugh made Kihyun smile widely.

After months he finally made Hoseok laugh.

He truly missed hearing it. Suddenly, all those saddening thoughts left his head, everything that reminded him that he will maybe go out with someone else. At those two minutes, all he thought about was how beautiful Hoseoks laugh is.

But those two minutes ended fast, a second ago Kihyun was smiling happily because of Hoseok, now he saw him go, greeting Minhyuk in the Café.

Minhyuk already got a table and waited there, just nodding as Hoseok bowed for him, not standing up or bowing back.

Disrespectful, Kihyun thought. But nothing Minhuyk does could make Kihyun think he's a good guy now anyways.

So he just bowed too, sitting down next to Hoseok who called for a waitress.

"Hello, I'm Yoo Kihyun, I'm Hoseoks friend."

Minhyuk nodded and looked confused at Hoseok. He, however, didn't notice his glance at him and called for a waitress.

"I don't want anything."

Kihyun said before the waitress arrived and looked at Hoseok now, who pouted at Kihyun and said that he also doesn't want anything then.

"Couldn't you say it before I embarrassed myself?"

"You do that all the time don't worry, darling."

"Darling?..."

Minhyuk was confused at the pet name Kihyun always uses for Hoseok, which he couldn't know of course.

Kihyun got shy because only Hoseok 'thinks' that he's saying it as a joke, not knowing he would actually love to call him like that in a serious note.

"I-i meant it as a joke, don't think anything weird!"

"What? I'm not your darling?"

Hoseok joked and made a sad face, only to start laughing at Kihyuns expression. Kihyun shyness turned into embassement as Hoseok said those words, getting mad because after all, he shouldn't be flirting back while his crush literally sits in front of him.

Do you ever think.

"Focus on your darling, I go to the toilets there while."

Both Hoseok and Minhyuk got more confused now as Kihyun murmured his last sentence and stood up.  
Hoseok never told Minhyuk his true feelings before.

"What did he said?.."

"Nothing, don't mind that haha....W-would you like some coffee?"

"I'm sitting here since an hour, I would've ordered one already."

"Ah.. Right I'm sorry"

This wasn't good. Hoseok was nervous again, now more since Kihyun called Minhyuk his darling, just before he left them both alone.  
He needed a topic, something to talk about. Just anything to break this awkward silence that was filling the air.

Just anything.

"Why did you bring him here. Not to sound rude but you didn't told me about that."

"It's actually because, well... He's been helping me with that dream stuff. I told you about him!"

"Ah right.. Well I think I should say thank you to him, too, after all."

"I didn't bring him for that, he wanted to meet you too"

"Why so?"

How do I explain this now? Anything Hoseok would say now could sound weird or suspicious, the truth would be because he wants to check up on the boy who got his friends heart. But it wasn't the right time to confess now, not when everything is still so new and awkward.

"Pretty sure he just wants to be friends with you, too hahaa."

Minhyuk didn't believe that. But he acted like he did and put a fake smile on.  
Kihyun eventually came back and sat down, not looking at Minhyuks nor Hoseoks face as they both stared at him, awaiting an answer of a question they both didn't ask him.

Kihyun noticed that and sighed out loud as he moved his head up, facing them both.

"Admiring my beauty or why are you both staring at me?"

"Why did you come here?"

Minhyuk asked straight forward. It wasn't in a rude nor nervous tone, he just wants to know it.  
Kihyun was kinda surprised at this sudden question, not really knowing what he should answer now. Of course not the truth, he would seem like a total asshole. So he decided to talk about the dream part.

"I just wanted to tell you, I helped Hoseok with his nightmares and attempts to communicate with you through them, not to mention that I came up with the idea that someone walks into his dreams. So, I want to make sure you're okey now."

Even if Kihyun hates this man with every cell in his body, he's not a cold asshole. He knows what he went through was horrible, and having someone like Hoseok with him could help him a lot. He doesn't want to make it even harder for the man who went through hell, but he also can't take seeing him with Hoseok together.

But it's not about him. It's about Hoseok and Minhyuk, they need each other. They might not see it, but Kihyun knows trying to separate them would end in a disaster.

So he decided to let go.

It would be the best for all of us, he thought.  
-  
The rest of their day went by wihout Kihyun realizing much, he just watched Hoseok and Minhyuk talking and even laughing at some point. Time flies by faster than they thought and so the evening came, the Café got emptier since the students who tried to study here already left.

Just them three and some last costumers were left, and Minhyuk gave signs that he also have to leave any soon.  
Being out at night still was an unpleasant situation for him.

"Uhm Hoseok, thank you for today but I have to go now, it's getting dark."

"Oh right, I will bring you home no problem! Excuse me i will just go to the toilet quickly!"

Hoseok said with a big smile in his face, looking at Kihyun before standing up to walk toward the bathroom.

"If you want you can go home Kihyun, I'm sorry we kinda neglected you haha."

Kihyun didn't laughed since he felt like he wasted his time for nothing, but he didn't said anything mean back but smiled and said he will go soon.  
As Hoseok left them both alone Kihyun couldn't help himself but look after him, cracking an hurtful smile.

There he goes.

"Everything okey? You seem sad."

Out of nothing Minhyuk asked him this and looked at his eyes. His expression wasn't sad nor worrying.

He just were curious. 

Kihyun wasn't sure if he should answer now, not to mention what. But something in him told him that no matter what he would do now, it won't save anything. He will give up on Hoseok, they both get close and perhaps he will forget his big love and move on.  
Or, he will start to neglect his friend in order to forget him, causes them both to get closer and closer until he totally lost his chance.

Or. Or. Or.

It won't change anything now. He lost.

"Listen Minhyuk, I want to tell you some last things."

He waited too long, was hesitating and scared.

"The thing is.. I.."

Scared he will lose his best friend and the only person he felt safe with.

"I.. I really like Hoseok. Since a long time."

But it won't change anything now.

"But I know he doesn't like me but someone else. Please, take good care of him, be a good friend to him."

He lost.

"I will go now, I hope you will get better. Have a good night, goodbye."

"W-wait you can't jus-"

"Please. I just want to go home now. It's fine really, I don't care anymore."

Those were the last words Minhyuk heard from him, Kihyun left the Café wihout looking back and missed Hoseok who just came back and called for him, though he was too late.

Confused at Minhyuks expression he asked what happened as he was gone, but Minhyuk didn't answer his question and just stood up and said it's time to go. Hosoek started to whine and begged him like a kid to tell him, but Minhuyk stayed quiet about it during their little walk to his home.  
\--  
They reached his home eventually, Minhyuk opened the first door and put his foot between in front of it to hold it open as he talked with Hoseok.

He already forgot that he wanted to know what happened during his absence, but Minhuyk has been thinking about it the whole time and he still is unsure if it would be a good idea to tell him.

After all, he doesn't know what he wants from Hoseok. What Hoseok wants from him. And what Kihyun wants is a big mystery to him.

"Hoseok.. Thank you for today, I haven't had such a good time since a while..."

"Ahh.. I'm glad you enjoyed it, I also did. And I'm sorry if Kihyun made you feel uncomfortable or anything he's actually re-"

"No no, he did not. Just..."

This situation was really not ideal. But dealing with it any longer wasn't ideal too.

"Hoseok, what do you want from me. Like, what kind of relationship?"

This came unexpected. Hoseok didn't even have time to think about that properly, he himselfs doesn't know what he wants.

Friendship? Romantic relationship? Just spending time? All above? He doesn't know. And he doesn't know why he got asked about it now.

"Why are you asking me that?"

Minhyuk looked down to his feet, trying to not get lost in Hoseok eyes and confused smile.  
Quietly, almost whispered, he asked him another question.

"Do you know how Kihyun feels about you?"

"What... What do you mean now?"

"Kihyun told me today, he said he.. He said I should take good care of you, and be a good friend."

It got more confusing with each word Hoseok heard, of course he would've noticed if Kihyun felt in love with him, he thought falsely. He never noticed anything, never thought it would happen since they only were friends.

"He.. He isn't in love with me no l-"

"Are you this blind Hoseok? He likes you, but not in the way you might think."

"No no you're mistaking something here, he's really just a frie-"

"For you! But he looked at you as if you're his whole world. I think, being with me will bring you two problems.."

Oh no, everything but that. Hoseok was close, so so close to get closer to him, to open him, but now it seems like he falls back to the same place from beginning of everything.

"Minhyuk no, I bet he's just e-"

"No Hoseok, I'm glad we could meet, really, and I own you a lot for trying to help me. And.."

He paused to take a deep breath, Hoseoks heart wasn't beating in this moment, at least it felt like this for him. The fear of what he will hear now was too intense.

"And that's why I don't want to ruin your friendship with Kihyun, or make you life harder now."

"Please, don't say that you won't Minhyuk really I..."

"I think we shouldn't meet for a while now, I don't want to cause more trouble between you and Kihyun. I'm sorry."

I'm sorry. The last words Hoseok heard from Minhyuk were those. It was the last time he saw him. It wasn't a goodbye he wished, not like this, not so early. But it happened, and now all he can do is trying to forget him and continue with his life as if he never had those nightmares about him, as if he never had those feelings for him.

If only it were this easy.  
\--  
Hoseok felt back to the days were everything of this happened. He barely sleeps, isn't focused in work and just feels horrible. He lost his big love and maybe his best friend too, he felt like there was nothing he could do to get them both back. Although, he still hasn't talked to Kihyun since the day they three met. Usually, he would get calls or messages from Kihyun when he himselfs doesn't call him, but Kihyun tried to keep distance from Hoseok to get over him. Which didn't helped since he just missed him more and more. But his ego was too big to give up, he wants to forget, he wants to let go.

And Hoseok can't find the courage to talk to Kihyun about it all, about Kihyun being in love with him, that Minhyuk won't be his friend anymore because of that, and and and.

So it happens, they both just don't talk, and drift apart.  
\--  
"You really gave up.. Just like that?"

Hyungwon asked puzzled, Kihyun just nod and continued editing his pictures. It's been more than a week now since he saw Hoseok the last time.  
Hyungwon didn't believe him, he knew Kihyun, who's stubborn and usually never gives up. He asked again and again, but it was the same answer even after asking it for the 6th time.

For Kihyun, it was over.

"But Hoseok didn't call you since, maybe something happened you don't know about and h-"

"It won't change anything Hyung. He is with Minhyuk , I don't want to ruin his time now with my sadness."

"You really think he's the type of person who will stop calling you because of that?"

"You- you don't know him that wel-"

"But I'm right."

But he was right. Hosoek isn't that type of person.

Kihyun felt desperate, nothing he does, thinks or feels seems to be right, with every minute he wastes trying to forget Hoseok, he just falls deeper for him.  
He looked up to Hyungwon who stared at him, awaiting his enlightenment.

"You're right. But.. But what can I do now..?"

"Call him? Go talk to him? Just anything but acting like you got over him which you certainly did not."

"Am I this obvious?"

"Yes, yes you are. Now please do something! I bet Hoseok feels bad, too, just like you."

Easier said than done. But it has to be done, wasting more time would just cause more trouble than it already has.

Yet, Kihyun didn't believe anything would change now. He's not that pessimistic usually, but the past weeks weren't the highlight of his life so what else can he believe in.

The first barrier was to actually find Hoseok and talk to him. Of course, going to his home would be the best idea, so Kihyun took all his strength he had left together to finally go to Hoseok.

He went to his place, knocking on his door and waiting for a response.

Nothing.

He knocked again and waited, his hands got sweaty as his breath got faster with his heartbeat.

One last time, one last knock and calling for him, God it's been a while since Kihyun put his name in his lips.  
A weak voice could be heard through the closed door, barely.

"Please leave Kihyun. I... I'm fine pls just g-"

"Hoseok! Oh God I'm so glad you're here.. Please can I talk with you?"

"I said leave, please I don't have the time now.."

It was the first time Hoseok acted like this, even during the nightmares or his love sickness about Minhyuk he still always had time for Kihyun.

But this is different from the past things.

Kihyun knew he fucked up. He knew it was a bad idea, dare he say the worst idea he had, telling Minhuyk about his feelings while never being honest to his best friend, causing Minhyuk to end the friendship and every future chance of something more with Hoseok because of this.

He breathed in, deeply.

"Listen Hoseok I... I'm sorry.. I don't know what Minhuyk told you, but I guess.. I guess it has something to do with what I've said and.."

No response from Hoseok, but Kihyun continued, his throat already sore since he was close to start tearing up.

"I like you. I.. I like you more than you think.. Enough to fear that I could've lost you to another one.. So I.. So I acted without thinking about you, I told Minhyuk I like you and that... He won, and he must have felt bad for it or responsible or guilty or whatever I don't know! All I know is.. "

His last words vanished under his heavy breath, his tears covered his now burning red cheeks.

Hoseoks eyes were teary the whole time since Kihyun started talking. He would never let his friend cry on his watch, but right now he can't forgive him or see his face.

"All I know is, I'm so, so sorry Hoseok. I'm sorry for what I've done. It was a mistake to fall in love with you."

Silence again.

"Please.. Can you forgive me?.."

This killing silence.

"Please just say anything Hoseok, I beg you please.. just.."

Kihyuns knees lost its strength, he wanted to just fall on the floor and vanish, melt into the ground and never feel anything again.

He wanted to hear Hoseoks voice, just anything would be fine, anything but this silence that left him in darkness.  
Anything but silence, and the words Hoseok told him at the end.

"Please.. Just leave.. I can't..."

All the pain Kihyun felt in his life, the heart breaks over Hoseok, the fear to lose him, the anxiety, the sadness, the sorrow, the torture. Nothing came near to the feeling he had now.

Everything he has felt in the past was gone, he went through all of it and knew he will come back to Hoseok, see him again, be his friend again.

But now he knew it won't be like this anymore.

Kihyun knew now, without any sign of doubt or hope, it's over. He lost his best friend, his love and his happiness not because of someone else. But because of him, himself alone.  
He knew, it was time to go.

His sight were blurry from his heavy tears, yet he could find his way to the elevator in the house and managed to press the button so it comes to his way.

Everything in his body screamed at him to go back, to beg for forgiveness and to see Hoseok, just for one more time. However this time, his ego didn't hold him back from it, but fear and guilt. He went into the elevator, pressed its button, and left. Just like Hoseok wanted him to.

He could hear the elevator and was now sure that Kihyun left, yet he is not sure if forever or just until he got over everything that just happened in such a short time. He wants Kihyun here, just like he wants Minhuyk here, too.

Knowing that both won't happen and all he can do is to slowly accept that fact made Hoseok heart beat in a way he could die. Just like Kihyun, he lost.

Before he could get himself up to go to bed to have yet another long, sleepless night, he murmured his answer to Kihyuns last question, which he will never be able to hear. And which Hoseok won't ever forget.

"I'm sorry, Kihyun.. I can't forgive you."

**Author's Note:**

> You've reached the end hello!  
Thank you a lot for reading my fic, I hope u enjoyed it even though it's not the best,,,  
Pls leave a comment about your thoughts and if u want a kudo :>  
Have a great day/night/evening! <3


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